Twilight, I have choice words for you

OMG! Breaking Dawn! I freaking Edward! OMG Edward! OMG Bella! OMG Jacob's Abs! OMG I'm a fourty year old woman and can no longer find the same romantic satisfaction in my own life so I'm going to obsess myself over this masterful teen-culture novel featuring this supposedly perfect, flawless vampire boyfriend instead of doing something to re-kindle the fire in my own marriage! OMG I'm an angsty teenage girl/or boy who can't figure out how to properly express my self in real life so I'm going to indulge in this truly crappy piece of writing instead of reading decent books.

OMG gag me, gouge my eyes out, and cut me with a spoon because I'm just sick thinking about all the money this stupid franchise is going to make this weekend. 

If this isn't apparent yet, I have come to hate Twilight. Not completely Stephanie Meyer mind you because her other book, The Host, was actually quite decent. But I do not like Twilight or her writing in that book. Now, I know what all the Twilight championers are going to say out there: "YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS!" To all you Twilight lovers out there, and I commend the courageous spirit you take on when defending your franchise over youtube comments, let me make this very clear that no, actually I'm not jealous at all. As an aspiring writer and actress, I would be ashamed to have my name associated with such a terrible piece of work. So in fact, I'm grateful Stephanie Meyer and Kristin Stewart's names are written all over Twilight and mine is not. Furthermore, as someone closely familiarized with the art and technicalities of writing and acting, I hate Twilight because for the most part, it's just terrible.

Now I do say for the most part because there are a few good things about it. We can go over those first. The books are engaging. I will confess my sins and admit that the first time I read the first three books, I wasn't crazy about them but I enjoyed them enough to finish them within a day or so of starting them. That was of course until I tried reading them again and was like Oh wait, these books are like exactly the same. But Meyers is good at saving her goods till the end and keeping a reader invested enough to keep reading. She's a good story-teller, not a good writer, at least not in these books, but yes, a good story teller. We can even give her some points for creativity. She took the overused subject of vampires and made it her own fruity, sparkly thing. Yeah, we'll be generous and give her some points there. And as for the movie, well the movies actually have gorgeous cinematography. It's gritty, artistic, and beautiful. I love the coloring and the different angles. I will watch the movies, not in theatre, but when they come out on DVD because I do appreciate great camera work. The other good thing about Twilight movies is it's an excellent place to people watch.

Now that all being said, let's move on. First of all, what kind of messages or themes do you take from Twilight? I think Stephen King said it best: "Harry Potter is all about confronting fears, finding inner strength, and doing what is right in the face of adversity. Twilight is about how important it is to have a boyfriend."
There is no real message to be taken out of the Twilight books with the exception of "Don't have sex till after you're married" but that's more of a device Stephanie Meyer used than an actual theme or message. All we see is Bella falling in love with Edward for no reason, falling apart when he's gone, becoming an angsty teenager herself, and then getting knocked up. I'm not saying that every book has be profound but if you're going to spend four books on a story, I should be able to get some meaning out of it by the end. All I've got was unrealistic expectations about love. Which brings us to the next point, the plot. The plot in every book is basically the same structure. We spend the first half of the book in Bella's angst, then someone comes along who wants to kill her or in the last book, her baby, and we all rally to save her life. She's saved. More Bella and Edward drama. The end. The characterization for each character is pretty one-dimensional and inconsistent. Bella can't do anything for herself and being in her head is nauseating. The love between her and Edward is shallow. The writing itself is full of cliches and weak writing choices. And Stephanie Meyer is unwilling to take risks with anything. And I could go on forever but I won't. It is just not good writing.

In fact, the only thing I enjoy about those books is Jacob and Charlie because their the only main characters who I can see as real people,  and well even Jacob has his moments.

Now the movies. Well other than terribly-written dialogue, crappy special affects, and really bad make-up, there is the blatant fact that Kristen Stewart, bless her heart, cannot act. I have never seen a Kristen Stewart film where I enjoy her in it. She is just so bad I don't even know where to begin. I don't even have to look at Twilight for this one. I kind of want to die every time I see the Snow White and the Huntsman trailer because everything about it looks so epic except Kristen Stewart. First of all, she's pretty but fairest of them all is kind of a stretch to me. Second of all, she's pulling the same faces that she makes in all of her movies: big confused eyes, lips parted with her teeth poking through. That face is so diverse it can go from being "I'm Bella Swan and I'm in love with two men" to "I'm Snow White, running through the woods." Third of all, the trailer doesn't use any of her dialogue and thankfully not too many clips of her-they probably couldn't find any that didn't have that expression with the exception of the one of her on her back. But we've already seen that one a million times too when Bella is 'sleeping'. I think it's a sign.

POINT MADE: