Jalapeno Cheetos

I've eaten a bag of jalapeno Cheetos every day this week. Every day since he left for Utah. And now that he's really gone and I can't count of text messages or phone calls, that's all I want to eat. Nothing else sounds good. All I want is junk or nothing at all. Two weeks ago I was all health conscience. Now I can barely stand the thought of eating or cooking. Not sure if it's just depression or the fact that our relationship involved a great love of food and spending time in the kitchen.

Trevor reported the Provo MTC today. Don't get me wrong, I am so proud and so excited for him. He is serving a mission in Bangalore, India for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I'm proud of him for doing the right thing and excited because hello, that's a freaking cool mission! The boy's gonna be riding elephants for crying out loud! But I miss him so much and this is really hard for me because this is the second time this year.
Yeah, I'm that horrible girl who already sent a serious boyfriend out on a mission then while she was at college fell in love with another premie (please girls, be wise, and do as I say, not as I do). And not going to lie, starting my countdown all over again really sucks. But I think he's worth it. And given the circumstances, I actually feel pretty good about it. I feel like I'm doing the right thing and that I can make it this time.  We can make it. Trevor has been very different from other boys I've dated in many, many ways. Which is fine because I love him like I've never loved anyone else. He is very special to me and truly makes me happy.

So hopefully I do a better job this time around. Or I seriously fail as an MG. And obviously, I need to be focusing on my self if God keeps placing these wonderful men in my life then calls them away. So that's my plan. Get Bailey up to par. Good plan since I really don't know what I'm doing with my life. I mean, there's tons of things I'd like to do but just don't know how right now.

Here is my tentative list of goals:

1. Read & study my scriptures for at least 20 minutes a day

2. Say my morning prayers because I often forget that

3. Write in my journal 2+ times a week

4. Blog at least once a week

5. Keep at least a 3.8 GPA

6. Shoot for a 4.0 every semester

7. Exercise 3-6x a week, preferably every day

8. Work with horses again

9. Study abroad or internship

10. Take a zumba class

11. Take a kick-boxing class

12. Start dancing again because I freaking miss it

13. Start a club or become majorly involved in

14. Actively participate in BYU-H Sustain

15. Earn the International Peacebuilding Certificate

16. Do my visiting teaching

17. Go on casual dates but not more than once with the same person and make lots of friends

18. Write a book

19. Write Trevor diligently and weekly

20. Do baptisms at the temple once a month

21. Take a picture every day

Yep. These are my goals thus far for the next 1-2 years. I should start now but it might not happen because I'm pretty depressed that my best friend is gone and I need more time to grieve this week. But it will happen soon and I'm actually doing a pretty good job of a few of these things already. But only a few. Once I perk up and get sick of cheetos, I will literally get my butt in gear.