There are just no words sometimes

I figure it's safe to post here because let's face it, nobody is reading this at the moment anyway and honestly, I don't know if I have the power and brain capacity to pick up a pencil. I came up with a variety of things to talk about this week on my blog: Haleiwa Eats, my part in the play, how wonderful Trevor is, how awesome the Lion King was. And now I just can't talk about any of it. I am miserable and feel sick-not because I'm actually ill but I'm in constant state of nausea and there is an unrelenting pain in my chest. I feel like I've been slapped, punched, and condemned for a future that hasn't and will not happen. I'm hurt because I've never meant something so much, been so confident about my feelings, and then to have me told that no faith can be put in them, even though I don't feel that I've done anything.  I am discouraged because I don't know what to do; I'm not a quitter and my first instinct is to fight and keep pushing through but I don't think that'll help this time. I feel pathetic, beaten, and broken. I'm alone and I can't just call up the person that said that they would always come for me. I'm scared because I still haven't changed my mind but maybe it won't even matter if I do what I said and know I can do. But I don't want to do it alone. I wish I could cry but the tears just won't come. I wish I could dance and get all of this negativity out of my body. I feel restless but there's no where to go.  And I've never felt so stuck in my life. Stuck in this house. Stuck on this island. Stuck on him. And for all the suckiness this stuckiness is bringing, I still can't be angry or take back how I feel because I meant what I said and it means too much to me. He means too much to me that I can't ever be angry for more than 30 minutes. I might lie and pretend I am but I just love him.

Miserable Songs of the Day: Stay by The Hurts
                                            A Drop in the Ocean by Ron Pope